Seville - Thoughts over a cup of coffee

Why I wonder? …entering a new city, in this case Seville, causes so much stress in my system. I feel it crawling in every nook and cranny of my body. It is like a fear. But of what? Fear of everything new? Or fear I will do the wrong thing? Fear to use words I am not sure of? Fear of sticking out as a tourist? Just the anguish of not knowing. Not knowing where to park. Not knowing where the city center is. Not knowing if I want lunch or just coffee.

It is crazy. I know. This fear. Cause there is no reason to fear any of these things. It is normal to not know my way around a new city. It is normal not to have all the words in a foreign language. It is normal to make mistakes. It doesn’t make me any less than I am. In fact, it makes me who I am. A human. A being who seemingly learns the most from making mistakes. On a personal level. But also on a global level.

Knowing that it is ok is one thing. I gives me a little more space. Hearing it from myself is better than hearing it from another.  But even so, even after giving myself permission to be human…the fear is still there…maybe less. So it seems the fear is lodged at a deeper level. And how do I speak to that part of myself. How do I communicate with my more shadowy aspects that everything is OK and they can let go of the fears.

Or, is this perhaps backwards thinking. Maybe it is simply going through the fears which brings realisation, also at a deeper level, and allows for the release of the fears, or maybe not release but a loosening up on the grip.

Now about 3 hours later, I am relaxed and enjoying myself. Sights and sounds, colors for the eyes, music for the ears and now churros for the taste buds. I find a lot of inspiration while I look around me. I see, in my minds eye, more possibilities for my own take on life and how to share it. Baked goods with only bio ingredients. Hand made. Photo tours of lesser known spots of interest.

I had to get through the initial discomfort of the new and unknown. I had to let it be there, this anxiety based on nothing real. And then, without realising it, discomfort flowed into comfortable. Anxiety transitioned into curiosity.

View the Gallery of Seville as seen Through my Eyes